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(1). Someone your company hires to “modernize” its business practices and operations. This person is generally loved by management and universally loathed by staff.
“Well, congratulations on your new role, Donna. I hear you’re going to be an agent of change over there, with all of the new procedures you’re implementing. I wouldn’t expect too many fruit baskets at Christmas this year, though.”
Props to D. M. for the submission.
(1). A way IT guys claim to be making headway on a project even though they can’t produce any concrete evidence that they have done anything at all.
“The system conversion? Well, we’re making macro progress on that and expect to pretty much be on schedule. No, we’re not ready for a test yet… No, you can’t talk to the team… Sorry to cut this short, I’ve got to jump on another call.”
(1). The art of turning a simple PDF into an annoying, electronic form that never has enough room to fit what you want to write or simply adjusts the size of the entry so you can’t make it out at all. The result: you end up printing it off and pen-and-inking all of the entries by hand.
“So, I just finished green fielding the new account documents. It looks great, although, we should probably mention somewhere that you’re limited to 30 characters on every line.”
