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(1). A sharp statistical uptick. Like every stock price when we thought Trump wasn’t crazy.
“So, last quarter’s net surplus seems to have been a bit of a pig in the python. After reviewing the annualized numbers, we’re basically flat for the year, mostly due to the drop-off in sales in the northeast region thanks to Larry’s crumbling marriage.”
Props to Kevin for the submission!
(1). When a third party is called in (usually your friend) to say the same exact thing you are saying to a long-standing client who no longer trusts your opinion.
“Hey Paul, I’ve hit a wall with one of my clients and I’m going to need you to be the cool uncle for me. Can you write me an email saying that you think it’s a great idea to shut down the website for 30 days to build some mystery around the brand? I think it’s a home run!
Props to Stephan B. for the submission!
(1). A euphemism for “my old job” used by people trying to make it look like they have way more experience than they really do.
“In my former life, I used to manage a team responsible for lavatory paper management. It was a lot of responsibility, but I think I handled the pressures of leadership fairly well.”
