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(1). A sharp statistical uptick. Like every stock price when we thought Trump wasn’t crazy.
“So, last quarter’s net surplus seems to have been a bit of a pig in the python. After reviewing the annualized numbers, we’re basically flat for the year, mostly due to the drop-off in sales in the northeast region thanks to Larry’s crumbling marriage.”
Props to Kevin for the submission!
(1). A not-so-subtle way to tell someone to stop asking if you’re available for a “quick call”.
“Umm…I should be around next Thursday, I think. My calendar’s up-to-date, so just send a meeting request.”
Props to Meg D. for the submission.
(1). Cinco de Mayo is a day dedicated to the commemoration of the Mexican army’s highly unanticipated victory over the French (stupid French) at the Battle of Puebla on May 5th, 1862. Of course, in the United States it is celebrated as a day of Mexican heritage pride by a bunch of non-Mexican heritage white people appropriately buying a ton of avocado’s, drinking Corona, and ordering in from Moe’s. Ole’. It is often confused with Mexico’s independence day, which is September 16th.
(2). Some also believe today is the day the first bowl of guacamole was created, but that seems somewhat racist, so we don’t support that delicious interpretation.
“Si usted puede leer esto, que si se puede, entonces usted sabe que he usado una herramienta de traducción de chabolas, entonces usted sabe que este día es paparruchas total y sólo una razón para que la gente irse del trabajo temprano y se cargan en un día laborable. Don ‘t me malinterpreten, estoy literalmente salir por la puerta en On The Border en este momento, ¡pero tanto realistas, esta fiesta no realmente captura la esencia de lo que se supone que este día para estar a punto. Todo el mundo sabe que Cinco de Mayo conmemora el primer lote de guacamole está realizando y todas estas partes son una farsa completa. Independientemente, Feliz Cinco de Mayo!“
For funsies, feel free to copy and paste the above into Google Translate. The sentences will be fragmented, but hey, you’ll get it.
