Cross-Pollination

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(1).  A sexually-charged euphemism for forcing employees to plug their company’s other products or services to their existing clients.

 

“Team, for the coming fiscal year, we are going to be focusing on the cross-pollination of the firm’s other products.  So, get out there and make sure your clients are all opening new checking accounts!  Toasters for all!”

 

Cry Wolf

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(1).  To habitually create a crisis where none truly exists.

 

“What?  Lou said we have a huge accounting error in our quarterly earnings report?  I’m sure it’s fine.  Lou just likes to cry wolf to bring attention to himself.”

 

Crystal Ball Analysis

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(1).  A term used when trying to deflect a client’s request for your opinion on the future of the economy or, even worse, his investment performance.

 

“Look, Brenda, I don’t want to give you some kind of crystal ball analysis about what’s going to happen two, three years from now.  What I can tell you is that your overall portfolio could’ve done a lot worse considering all the Facebook stock we bought!”

 

Cultural Evolution

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(1).  The attempt by management to institute changes to a company’s infrastructure in order to rejuvenate their dying and obsolete business (i.e. layoffs and store closings).

 

“Team, as you know, with changes in technology, the spending habits of our customers are shifting.  In response to these changing times, our company is undergoing a cultural evolution.  Corporate has asked all of us to attend an offsite next week, so they can roll out their new list of ‘Core Beliefs’.  Oh, not you, Joe…would you mind coming to my office after this meeting…?”

 

Props to Alex for the submission.

 

Cultural Intelligence

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(1).  The P.C. way to say “don’t giggle at your IT guy’s funny accent”.

 

“Guys, we really need to work on your cultural intelligence here.  You just can’t go around calling our helpdesk ‘Bollywood‘.”

 

Cut the Cord

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(1).  To split from a long-standing relationship (like, with a mentor or some other guy you’ve been cowering behind since you got here).

 

“Hey, Steve, got a minute?  Wanted to talk to you about possibly taking over some accounts on your own.  You and Gary make a great team, but I think you’re ready to spread your wings a bit.  Got to cut the cord at some point, right?”

 

CYA

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(1).  In most industries, an acronym for “cover your ass”.  The term is most often used when describing an email or voicemail sent to your boss about some problem before anyone else beats you to it (see post).

 

“You should send Tim an email about this right now, Joe.  Just as a CYA.  Better he hear it from you before anyone else…”

 

(2).  In accounting, an acronym for “call your accountant”.  The term is usually used after receiving some kind of letter from the IRS.

 

“I would CYA on this, Ken.  It says you haven’t filed a return since 1987.  I know you’re backing Ron Paul for president, but…”

 

Kleenex Issue

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(1).  When your product or service becomes synonymous with it’s function. (i.e. Kleenex is a brand of tissue, not the tissue itself, and Google is a search engine, yet people use the brand name as the actual action of searching.  See, now you get it, and if you don’t and are upset about not getting it, then grab a Kleenex and go Google it, lady).

 

“You see Ted, your problem is that you have somewhat of a Kleenex issue on your hands.  On one hand, everyone knows your product and brand, on the other, nobody can differentiate between the two and your competitors use both in all of their marketing material.  Guess that patent idea I gave you 10 years back makes a whole lot of sense now, doesn’t it Ted?”