(1). How douchebags end all of their emails.
“Hey Tim, I know it’s almost 5, but do you think you could pop by? I need you to get something out the door before you leave. Thanks…“
(1). A term used by Operations or IT to denote a project or enhancement that is considered a low-priority (see nice-to-have), but is promised to be included in a later upgrade. Day 2 projects generally never get started despite repeated promises by IT to allocate future resources to them “in the next release”.
“Thanks for the input there, Don…but I think we’re going to have to consider your plan to rebuild our transaction processing infrastructure a Day 2 Project for the time-being. We have much more important things in the hopper right now…like our new app. People love apps, Don. People love apps.”
(1). A nautical term used by management (as well as operations or IT…..really anybody) to describe further meetings or presentations which focus on a particular area.
(2). A term used as a defense mechanism by account managers to deflect clients’ questions and/or concerns about a particular topic that they have no answer or solution for.
“Hey guys, we are going to have to take a deep dive into this subject and get back to you with more in-depth findings. Let’s pick it up on our next bi-monthly meeting.”
(1). A term used to indicate item(s) due at the end of a project.
“Oh, hey Tom…yeah, I know I still have a couple of outstanding deliverables on the conversion project. Sunday? Hmm…not sure that’s gonna happen. I think Jim’s around this weekend, though. Hey, Jim! Tom says you gotta come in on Sunday!”
Props to Guy G. for the submission.
(1). An oft-repeated question asked at meetings by someone who thinks everyone else in the room are a bunch of mouth-breathing imbeciles who can’t understand the painfully obvious point he is trying to make.
“So, the idea is to cut costs by upgrading our OS from Windows 3.1 to Windows 8…does that make sense? Okay, fine…we’ll convert to Mac…”
Props to Bill E. for the submission.
(1). A term used to discourage overzealous salesmen from overselling themselves and/or their company’s services.
“Ok guys, I’m sorry, but I am going to have to stop you there. While I find it fascinating that you have an office Roomba and have named it ‘Keith’ and treat it like it’s alive, I really need you to get to the point of this conversation. Dogs and ponies stay outside, ya get what I’m sayin’?”
(1). In finance, an expression used in client meetings to (1) dissuade a client from making or avoiding investment changes purely to avoid (or incur) capital gains taxes, and (2) allow the speaker to show the client how witty he is, while throughly enjoying the sound of his own voice.
“Well, you know what they say, “don’t let the tax tail wag the investment dog“. Am I right or am I right? This guy knows what I’m talking about!”
(1). Completed to the point that it no longer requires discussion, or in other words, 100% completed.
“Thanks for your feedback here, Mike, but this presentation is done done at this point, so next time you might want to respond to my request for comments a little quicker than three months later.”
Props to Josh B. for the submission.
(1). Something used in management reporting that probably means you’re intentionally double-billing your clients every now and then.
“Okay, and if you’ll all flip to page 3, you’ll see our double revenue numbers for this year. Not as solid as we would have liked, but we’re looking to ramp it up for next year. Some kind of bundling fee or customer service charge or something…”
Props to Hilari for the submission.
(1). To accept corporate propoganda as truth, often feigned in an attempt to curry favor with one’s superiors.
(2). To blindly follow what other companies are doing regardless of how silly and/or unprofitable the move may be.
“Alright, team, we’re just going to drink the Kool-Aid on this one. I have a tee time in an hour.”
“It’s always scary to drink the Kool-Aid, but it’s far scarier to be different!”
(1). Expression used to imply someone has not taken proper action when prompted (i.e. shirking or neglecting one’s duties).
“Scott really dropped the ball on that project when he skipped the conference call. He never referred the information to the client and now they’re irate at us!”
Props to Brad for the submission.
(1). When two people are working on overlapping projects that will basically get you to the same place in the end.
“Now, I don’t want to duplicate effort here, so I think we should let Tom put the presentation for the Honolulu conference together… Ken, why don’t you focus on booking Tom and I flights and hotels for the trip to Hawaii…?”