Hand Holding

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(1).  The lion’s share of a wealth manager’s job.  Rich people can be very needy at times.

 

“Yeah, the meeting went fine.  These folks need a lot of hand holding, you know?  Hey, as long as they keep paying those fees, right?”

 

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Happy Friday!

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(1).  Something the annoying woman with the pictures of her cats in her cube says to you every, stinking Friday.

 

“Hey, Andy!  Happy Friday!  I’m trying to catch up on my T and Es, so I’m going to need all of your receipts for the last six months by lunchtime.  Thanks!!”

 

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Hard and Fast Rule

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(1).  A rule that is kinda, sorta meant to be followed (you know, like the Tax Code).

 

“Well, I wouldn’t say it’s a hard and fast rule … more of a best practice, I think.  Irregardless, you might want to stop smacking your secretary in the ass every time she gets your travel right, Bill.”

 

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Hard Stop

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(1).  A time at which a participant in a conference call or meeting needs to leave, usually due to dinner reservations or a tee time.

 

“We’ve got a hard stop at 11, team, it’s Bagel Friday!”

 

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Headcount

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(1).  That anxiety-inducing term every department faces at comp time.  Will it go up?  Will it go down?  Did we hit our numbers?  Where am I on the performance chart this year?  Yikes!

 

“So, team, unfortunately, it looks like we’re going to have to reduce headcount this year by at least two.  The good news is, no one likes Larry and Monica, so they’re out.  The bad news is … Larry, Monica, can you please see my in my office after this meeting?  Thanks a bunch.”

 

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Herding Cats

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(1). To bring a group of decision-makers together on a decision (often with difficulty).

 

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Hero Space

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(1). The portion of a website that companies usually flood with scrolling pictures of happy people and inspirational testimonials about their products. It is usually used to portray themselves as warm and caring, when they most likely are anything but.

 

“You know what we need in the hero space, John?  More pictures of people in suits succeeding!  And….and….whales breaching the water!  Nothing says “buy our pharmaceutical supplies” like whales breaching!

 

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High Fives

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(1).  Acts of public self-congratulation among co-workers, often after being notified of an increase in compensation, and almost always in front of people who did not share in that increase.

 

“Oh sure, while those guys are giving each other high fives over in Sales, we’re stuck here in Accounting doing the real work!”

 

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High Touch

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(1).  A delicate term used to describe wealthy (and, thus, sensitive and emotional) clients who treat everyone they come in contact with as “the help”.

 

“This is a high touch business, people.  Our clients just won’t tolerate things like weekends off, nights with the family or religious holidays.  We’re always on!”

 

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High Value Site

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(1).  An overcrowded, battleship-gray building in an office park outside of Dubuque where you forced all of your ops guys to move to a couple of years ago.

 

“Don’t worry, Sam.  You’re going to love the new location.  It’s got all the amenities you could ask for – a Sunglass Hut, Macaroni Grill, and I heard they might be building a Walgreens, like, less than a mile away.  A real high value site for us!”

 

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High-Level

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(1).  To bring a proposal to the boss for approval.

 

“I’m not sure we have the budget to add another CRM enhancement to our Outlook servers.  We’re going to have to high-level this one to make sure it’s okay with the powers that be.”

 

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High-Net Worth Individual

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(1).  That rich guy who calls you constantly to complain about his bill every … stinking … month.

 

“We’re really trying to focus our business on high-net worth individuals these days.  I hope you like being called ‘boy’!”

 

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Hold-Your-Nose Vote

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(1).  A vote to pass a bill that you, Congressman, don’t like, but that your weak, weak party leaders are forcing you to support (or else they’ll take away your chairmanship of the House Parking Spot Committee).

 

“Well, Joe…I consider this one a hold-your-nose vote.  Something don’t smell right in Washington, and this time it’s not Joe Biden’s vodka breath!  Wait…are we live?”

 

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Holding Pattern

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(1).  An aviation-inspired term indicating nothing is happening with a prospective client.  No calls, no messages, no nothing.  Nada.  Zip.  Zilch.

 

“Hey boss.  Yeah, the Jenson account…umm…we’re in a bit of a holding pattern right now on that, so…last time I called them?  Umm, well, uhh…”

 

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Home Run

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(1). A baseball term used to describe a result that has exceeded expectations, usually used when patting oneself on the back.

 

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Housekeeping Item

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(1).  Something that needs to be done that absolutely no one cares about.

 

“Hey, Rick…just got a little housekeeping item for you…we’re going to be sending you a couple of forms to sign…nothing important…new fee schedule…just feel free to sign and send it back when you get a chance…”

 

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Hump Day

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(1).  A term that compares Wednesdays to two teenagers dry humping each other on the dance floor at a sweet sixteen to UB40′s “Red, Red Wine”.

 

(2).  A term used by lonely, single office clerks who usually display troll dolls, pictures of their dog and an easy button, to signify that it’s the middle of the week, the weekend is almost here, and that they can’t wait to “tear up the shore” this weekend with their girls.

 

“Happy hump day everyone!  OMG I can’t believe it’s Wednesday already, weekend’s almost here!!  I am going to get so drunk this weekend down at the shore, like totally destroyed.  Maybe I’ll meet someone this weekend.  OMG maybe I’ll meet Pauly D!!”

 

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Hurricane Sandy

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(1).  A fierce windstorm that caused millions of dollars of damage to the New York metro area.

 

(2).  A wonderful excuse used by workers for weeks and weeks to justify leaving work early, working from home, not getting back to people, etc. etc.

 

(3).  An excuse used by gag website creators for the delay in getting their fans’ submissions up on the site.

 

“Hey, George…yeah, sorry about not getting back to you last week…Hurricane Sandy really did a number on us here…yeah, I should be able to get it done this week…probably…”

 

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Hurry Up And Wait

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(1).  To be given an extremely tight deadline to get something to a client, only to end up sitting around for weeks afterward while the client decides what they want to do.

 

“Well, Jeff, the client called and thanked us for getting the documents out to them, but told me they are having a meeting about them next week, so we won’t hear anything until after that…hurry up and wait, right?”

 

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Hybrid Approach

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(1).  In marketing, a way to describe your expertise in an area in which you have no expertise.

 

“We like to take more of a hybrid approach with this type of engagement.  We’ll be leveraging several strategic partners to assist our team here with the management of your account.  While those providers will bill you separately, we feel this combination will bring to bear the best in class level of service you are looking for.”

 

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