BROWSE:

(1).  To only execute a portion of an investment plan, just in case your recommendations end up sucking.

“Given the markets lately, I’d like to keep some powder dry in case we see a tactical move we’d like to make down the road.  That’s okay, I’m not really sure I understand what I just said either…”

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(1).  A way for members of a steady, but weak business unit to justify their continued existence to the rest of the firm.

“C’mon, Larry, cheer up.  Here at Best Buy, there’s no shame in being assigned to the wire department.  Sure, it’s not like it’s TVs, but it keeps the lights on!”

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(1).  The main point you gleaned from a relentlessly long and confusing conference call.  A key takeaway is generally addressed within the first three to five minutes of the call, followed then by an hour or so of irrelevant fluff.

“Thanks for making the call, everyone.  I think it’s safe to say the key takeaway is that we need to have another call.  How does next Wednesday look for everyone?”

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(1).  The number of things you need to do to accomplish a task on your company’s computer system.  The term is usually used when proposing system upgrades that will never be approved.

“Megan, if we spend a few dollars now on this upgrade, it will significantly reduce keystrokes for the entire team, meaning we should be able to keep headcount static for at least another year.  Bangalore?  No, I wasn’t aware we were moving Operations to Bangalore…”

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(1).  What Congress does … all the time.

“Sure we avoided the fiscal cliff today, but all we’ve really done is kick the can down the road…thank god I’ll be long dead before any of this really matters!”

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(1). A term used in initial talks with clients to show them the benefits of working with your company.

(2). The process of trying to belittle and confuse a prospective employee during an interview to make sure they know what they’re talking about and are a good fit for the company.

“Make sure you kick the tires a little bit this time Lynne, tell him we are looking for top talent to make our sandwich shop successful….if he mentions he used to work in a deli, show him the door.”

Props to Mark R. for the submission.

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(1).  n.  Football-inspired term often used to describe the first presentation of a new product or service offering, intended to provide employees with a feeling of excitement.

(2).  v.  To voluntarily start a conference call, mainly in an effort to look important and/or in charge.

“Does anyone know the date of the kick-off meeting?  Does anyone know the name of the client?”

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(1).  To grossly overreact to a minor error or mishap, resulting in unproductive meetings, useless checklists, indecipherable procedures, overlapping layers of approval and other bureaucratic nonsense.

“Talk about killing a fly with a sledgehammer!  After Sam double-billed that client last month, they now want us to have two managers review and approve all our bills before they go out!  Why do I have to be punished because Sam can’t send out mail properly?!”

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