Keep Some Powder Dry

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(1).  To only execute a portion of an investment plan, just in case your recommendations end up sucking.

 

“Given the markets lately, I’d like to keep some powder dry in case we see a tactical move we’d like to make down the road.  That’s okay, I’m not really sure I understand what I just said either…”

 

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Keep The Lights On

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(1).  A way for members of a steady, but weak business unit to justify their continued existence to the rest of the firm.

 

“C’mon, Larry, cheer up.  Here at Best Buy, there’s no shame in being assigned to the wire department.  Sure, it’s not like it’s TVs, but it keeps the lights on!”

 

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Key Takeaway

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(1).  The main point you gleaned from a relentlessly long and confusing conference call.  A key takeaway is generally addressed within the first three to five minutes of the call, followed then by an hour or so of irrelevant fluff.

 

“Thanks for making the call, everyone.  I think it’s safe to say the key takeaway is that we need to have another call.  How does next Wednesday look for everyone?”

 

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Keystrokes

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(1).  The number of things you need to do to accomplish a task on your company’s computer system.  The term is usually used when proposing system upgrades that will never be approved.

 

“Megan, if we spend a few dollars now on this upgrade, it will significantly reduce keystrokes for the entire team, meaning we should be able to keep headcount static for at least another year.  Bangalore?  No, I wasn’t aware we were moving Operations to Bangalore…”

 

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Kick The Tires

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(1). A term used in initial talks with clients to show them the benefits of working with your company.

 

(2). The process of trying to belittle and confuse a prospective employee during an interview to make sure they know what they’re talking about and are a good fit for the company.

 

“Make sure you kick the tires a little bit this time Lynne, tell him we are looking for top talent to make our sandwich shop successful….if he mentions he used to work in a deli, show him the door.”

 

Props to Mark R. for the submission.

 

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Kick-Off

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(1).  n.  Football-inspired term often used to describe the first presentation of a new product or service offering, intended to provide employees with a feeling of excitement.

 

(2).  v.  To voluntarily start a conference call, mainly in an effort to look important and/or in charge.

 

“Does anyone know the date of the kick-off meeting?  Does anyone know the name of the client?”

 

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Kill A Fly With A Sledgehammer

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(1).  To grossly overreact to a minor error or mishap, resulting in unproductive meetings, useless checklists, indecipherable procedures, overlapping layers of approval and other bureaucratic nonsense.

 

“Talk about killing a fly with a sledgehammer!  After Sam double-billed that client last month, they now want us to have two managers review and approve all our bills before they go out!  Why do I have to be punished because Sam can’t send out mail properly?!”

 

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Kleenex Issue

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(1).  When your product or service becomes synonymous with it’s function. (i.e. Kleenex is a brand of tissue, not the tissue itself, and Google is a search engine, yet people use the brand name as the actual action of searching.  See, now you get it, and if you don’t and are upset about not getting it, then grab a Kleenex and go Google it, lady).

 

“You see Ted, your problem is that you have somewhat of a Kleenex issue on your hands.  On one hand, everyone knows your product and brand, on the other, nobody can differentiate between the two and your competitors use both in all of their marketing material.  Guess that patent idea I gave you 10 years back makes a whole lot of sense now, doesn’t it Ted?”

 

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Know Enough To Be Dangerous

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(1).  A term used when an individual isn’t an expert in your particular field, but knows enough about it to get you in trouble when you screw up.

 

“So Scott, I’m certainly no IT expert, I mean, I know enough to be dangerous, but don’t you think setting the password to the server as “server password” could have led to that virus?  Boss wants to see you by the way.”

 

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KPI

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(1).  Stands for “key performance indicator”, which is something that call center in Bangalore points to every time you start complaining about their bill.

 

“As you can see from Slide 8 of the deck, our KPIs in GUI maintenance are right on par with our SLA.  Any questions?”

 

Props to KGH for the submission.

 

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