Naked Resignation

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(1).  Quitting your current waste of a job without having a new job lined up.  Good for you, champ!

 

“Jim, I quit.  I hate this place so much that I’d rather hand you a naked resignation than work another minute in this dump!  Oh, and if you hear of anyone hiring, would you mind shooting me an email?”

 

Props to Jack D. for the submission.

 

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Name and Shame List

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(1).  An email sent out to the entire company with the names of the employees who forgot to complete some kind of required training or something.

 

“What?!  Thirteen people didn’t take the ‘Avoiding Appearances in Page Six” online course?  Let’s send out an email with a name and shame list to get these morons to do what we tell them to do!”

 

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NASCAR Approach

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(1).  When a firm (usually an agency) shamelessly flaunts ‘big’ brands that they have ‘worked’ with in the past to make themselves look more attractive to prospective clients.  Usually this is represented by a slide within a powerpoint presentation that looks strikingly similar to Dale Earnhardt’s car during a race.

 

(2).  The corporate way to say “Name-dropping”.

 

“Listen everyone, to get this account we are going to have to take a NASCAR approach to this deck.  Throw every client and project we have done in the last 20 years at them.  If we still send them a Christmas card, then their logo is going on that slide!”

 

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Neck Beards

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(1).  Those lovable, less-then-presentable guys who work in your tech department.  While we all know they are making fun of us behind our backs, we can all take solace in the fact that they are all a stone’s throw away from being Hobbits, and will always fix our computers after we “accidentally” open that porn site.

 

“Hey Dave, have you seen any of the neck beards around?  Do you think you can call them for me?  I opened up ANOTHER email, which took me to ANOTHER porn site.  Weird right?  Third time this month.  I would ask them, but every time I screw my computer up and ask them to fix it, they look at me like I just deleted their level 80 dark elf in World of Warcraft.”

 

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Net Net

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(1).  The end result after everything is taken into consideration…supposedly.

 

“So the net net of this sandwich is that I will not be making the meeting this afternoon.”

 

Props to Sam for the submission.

 

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Neuman’d

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(1).  The process of creating slides for a deck with thoughtful insights, observations and recommendations, only to be passed over at the last minute in the meeting (which you put a suit on for) in favor of more important and relevant dependencies.

 

“Well, Dave got neuman’d again.”

 

Props to the department managers at Prime Visibility, and to anyone else who has ever cut Dave off in a presentation.

 

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Nice-To-Have

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(1).  A very expensive and highly marketed service offering or product that would likely be the first thing to be cut in a downturn.

 

“Time Warner Cable is a real nice-to-have.”

 

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Nimble

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(1).  To be able to adapt quickly to different situations … even when you have no idea what you’re doing.

 

“Okay, team … now if we’re going to hold ourselves out there as a nimble wealth manager, we’re going to have to cut a few corners for our clients.  So, I’d like to get your thoughts on SEC reporting avoidence strategies ….”

 

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No Brainer

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(1).  An obviously beneficial action to be taken, often used during staff meetings by sycophantic employees (see yes man) to curry favor with a manager who just suggested the action as if it were a stroke of genius.

 

“Selling those children was a no brainer.  What’s next on the agenda?”

 

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No Names Discussion

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(1).  A call to a competitor or client by a consultant without disclosing who they are working for (and usually pretending to be a prospect) in order to get some information out of them about their business or operations.

 

“So, we had a no names discussion with the folks at IBM, as you requested…turns out they make computers.  It’ll all be in our final report…”

 

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Nodding Heads

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(1).  A way to describe virtually everyone in a meeting where the new boss says he’s going to “turn this ship around” by “identifying efficiencies“.  By the way, you’re all going to be fired.

 

“So, after Alex went into his bit about ‘we’re going to make us the Bank One of banks’, all I saw was a bunch of nodding heads in the room.  I didn’t have the heart to say anything, so I just nodded my head, too.”

 

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Noise

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(1). Extraneous or unnecessary imformation (in other words, virtually all information provided at meetings and conference calls).

 

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Non-Starter

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(1).  A proposal or suggestion for something that your boss is never, ever going to agree to.

 

“Sorry, Ted.  Adding another body in Operations is a non-starter.  If this system enhancement is going to move forward, you guys are going to need to allocate your resources a little better.”

 

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Noodle

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(1). To think about;  a clever way for attorneys who do not know the answer to a question to buy time to have a junior associate research the issue, while still appearing thoughtful and knowledgeable to their client.

 

“I’m going to have to noodle on this a bit more before giving you an opinion, John.  Now, at $750 an hour…carry the 4…I should be able to get back to you next Tuesday.”

 

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Numbers Guy

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(1).  The guy on the sales team that’s really good on Excel, but really bad with people.

 

“Oh, that’s Ron over there.  He’s a real numbers guy, so we rely on him for almost everything.  His cut?  Well…it’s not like he’s bringing in business, so….”

 

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