BROWSE:

(1).  To explain a proposal in its entirety.

(2).  A command by a manager or senior team member (i.e. “walk me through”) for a junior employee to explain a proposal in as short and simple a manner as possible, while still implying that they are interested in the proposal’s details (when in fact they are already thinking about what they are going to have for lunch).

“Okay, Bill.  Why don’t you walk me through your plan for a new office filing system.  I’m just going to type some notes here and there…maybe check my fantasy teams…what’s that?  Oh, nothing, just talking to myself.”

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(1).  Just a plain old conference room.  No guns.  No tanks.  Just phones, whiteboards, and co-workers.

(2).  A description given to one of your office’s conference rooms, usually the largest one, by management to imply it is only for the most important of meetings….which they are usually anything but.

“Ok people, we are meeting in the war room at 3:00pm for a briefing on CuteCatSweaters.com’s holiday plans.  Let’s get in there and sell some sweaters!”

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(1).  A sense of camaraderie and service.  The term is usually used when indicating to someone that they (or their team) are being obstructive or unhelpful.

“You know, Mike, I’m not really getting a warm and fuzzy feeling from you guys on this.  All we’re asking is that you take on this extremely time-consuming project at half your normal fee.  This is for a really huge client of ours, you know!”

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(1).  To check in on, and possibly feed, the coma patients in the hospital.

“Okay, Alice…since it’s you’re first week on the job, you get to water the vegetables tonight.  Just try not to Garp any of them.”

Props to Cid R. for the submission.

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(1).  This is said after years of poor decisions.  This phrase is uttered shortly before the business closes down.

“Alright, everyone…I know it’s been a tough couple of months, but starting right now, we are going to turn this ship around and get back on top!” – Dick Fuld, September 10, 2008

Props to Brett for the submission.

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(1).  Stock broker … who also might sell insurance.

“Okay, guys … we really want to start targeting high-net worth individuals this year.  So, we’re going to start calling you ‘wealth advisors‘ to show you do more than push product.  That said, keep pushing product.”

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(1). A fancier way for companies to describe their websites, which usually are anything but fancy.

“Gentleman we need to discuss updating our web properties.  I don’t think it is in the company’s best interest to have that dancing baby on there anymore.  Feels like we are going for a cheap laugh…although it is a good one…ya know what?  Let’s keep it up there.”

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(1).  An individual who acts as the gatekeeper to maintaining and editing a particular website.  While virtually impossible to get a hold of, most webmasters usually leave a “Contact the Webmaster” link in the footer of a website that opens an email to the vague “webmaster@” address to toy with the outside world.

“Who’s the webmaster for our website?  Can we get them on the phone?  I’ve sent this person 20 emails and haven’t heard a thing.  I’m starting to believe they don’t even exist!”

(2).  A 40-year old man who lives in his parents’ basement and maintains a blog about comic books and D&D.

“I am Lothar of the Hillpeople!  The webmaster from the great beyond!  Fear the verbal wrath of my blogspot!  Mwa-ha-ha-ha!”

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(1).  A hugely rich prospect which, if they become a client, will probably allow the broker to go out and buy that Maserati he’s had his eye on.

“So, I heard Scott over there landed a whale last week.  I also heard you didn’t, so…I think we’re going to have to let you go, Gary.”

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(1).  What you say when trying to explain the value you add to the company’s business (which, for most of us, is pretty hard to define).

“‘What we do best’?  I’ll tell you what we do best … blah, blah, blah … Just do your job and shut the hell up!”

Props to Brent D. for the submission.

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(1).  A nice way to describe the work of a low-level employee in a vain attempt to make it sound like you think what they do is way more important than what you do.

“Yeah, trading millions of dollars worth of corporate bonds every day is important to our corporate bond-trading business, but your team’s processing of account paperwork is really where the rubber meets the road!”

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(1). A term describing best practices for SEO professionals that correctly (and honestly) manipulate search engines so that their client’s sites show up above Wikipedia entries.

“Our firm uses white hat practices for our SEO efforts.  No, you won’t get links from any porn sites or gambling sites.  No, no porn sites you can gamble on either.” (see: Black Hat)

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(1).  An outline of  a proposed strategy or other subject requiring in-depth explanation, usually written by multiple parties (see living document) and rarely used by anyone.

“Hey, Tom.  Did you happen to read my white paper on the new coffee machine for the office?  Either way, I set up a team call to discuss this Friday at 4:30.  Hope you can attend.”

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(1).  A top-tier law firm, generally populated with pretentious Ivy Leaguers who are, for all intents and purposes, in love (and possibly trying to have sex) with their business cards.  Attorneys in white shoe firms never miss an opportunity to tell you (i) where they work, and (ii) where they went to law school.

“His resume says he works at a big, white shoe firm, so I’m not sure we can get him to leave given what we are willing to offer.  Wait … he’s a 14th year associate?  Offer him $40,000 and some kind of ‘junior partner’ title and he’s gone.”

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(1).  Seemingly endless banter back-and-forth between two people at a meeting.  With 10 other people in the room.  Sitting quietly, checking their blackberries, awkwardly waiting for it to be over.

“Can you believe that ridiculous wiff waff between Sharon and Jim during the 9:30 call this morning?  I think they’re sleeping together.  Do you think they’re sleeping together?  I totally think they’re sleeping together.”

Props to Jan for the submission.

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(1). A term typically used by salesmen to describe wooing a client in order to gain their favor, much like Richard Gere did to Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”.

“Hey Ross, I see you’re doing a little wining and dining with the Henderson boys tonight. Gonna get a little escargot at The Voltaire?”

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(1).  A derogatory way to describe a politician who might actually know what he’s talking about.

“Well, I don’t think the Congressman is going to impress in tonight’s debate.  He’s a bit of a budget wonk and what Americans really care about is style!”

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(1).  Some kind of new IQ test the government makes kids take to see if they’re going to be doctors or…not doctors.

“My son found the Woodcock-Johnson to be a little overwhelming…I think he definitely needs to have extra time when he takes his SATs…my attorney thinks so, too.”

Props to Katie B. for the submission.

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(1). An excuse used by lawyers who have yet to review a document, intended to buy them additional time to work on more profitable clients before actually completing their review.

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(1). To sporadically react to emails on your blackberry while out of the office to avoid burning a vacation day.  (WARNING: HIGHLY ADDICTIVE)

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(1). See work wife / work husband.

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(1).  Two co-workers who are currently engaged (or appear to be engaged) in an extramarital affair.

“Sean is totally your work husband.  Hey, weren’t you wearing that blouse yesterday?”

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