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(1). A term used to describe an individual who does not work for any particular department within a company. Therefore this person is either your boss, or the first person to get fired when things go south.
(2). Salesmen.
“Ross is a man with no country, a loner Dottie, a rebel. He also didn’t make his quota, so please hand him this box to collect his things.”
0-4+20
(1). The manager who’s never around to manage.
(2). Your boss.
“Boy, Jim sure is an absent father these days. He blew off his own meeting because, in his words, it was ‘too nice out’”.
0-4+10
(1). To be a little too ambitious or solicitous, usually when trying to land a new client (see prospect).
“Umm, Nick…isn’t saying we’re able to handle over 200,000 transactions a day a bit aggressive? I mean, it’s just you and me here and you can barely type.”
0-4+1-1
(1). A claim made when your boss asks for the status of a project you totally forgot about. See on top of it.
“The Grossman account? I’m all over it, boss. Should have it all wrapped up soon.”
0-4+10
(1). A bright spot that’s not ready for prime time, and needs further development to be duplicated elsewhere.
“Really love the new macro, Nick…unfortunately, I think you need to make a few tweaks to get this all the way to bright.”
Props to David P. for the submission.
0-4+1-1
(1). A way for a self-promoting, over-caffeinated worker to make others believe he works way more hours than they do.
“Are you serious? I may leave an hour earlier than you guys, but I’m always on.”
0-4+20
(1). A kindergarten-style way to suggest that two concepts or items being compared are not able to be compared. The term is often used as a polite way to suggest that the presenter needs to re-do their work.
“Sorry Tom, I just don’t think comparing your work on switching us to FedEx to the moon landing is an apples-to-apples analysis.”
0-4+10
(1). Acronym for “as soon as possible” often used to impart a sense of urgency. In an effort to appear even shorter on time (and really important), many workers pronounce the acronym as an actual word.
“Hey Jeff, sorry to do this but I totally forgot Jonathan was coming in today so I am going to need those mock-ups ASAP.”
0-4+10
(1). See back of the napkin.
“This is just back of the envelope, but I think we can get this done for only a couple thousand bucks. Wait, you’d like to see our rate sheet? Gotta go!”
0-4+1-1
(1). A colloquial expression used to indicate that the analysis you are about to provide was completed very quickly, with little forethought, and will likely prove to be incorrect.
“This is totally back of the napkin, but I think we can increase your sales 300% this year.”
0-4+2-1
(1). The deceptive practice of enticing a new customer with empty promises (read: low fees) only to spring the real deal on them after it’s too late for them to back out.
“What is this, some kind of bait and switch? You’re sign says ‘All You Can Eat’ and, goddamnit, I want more shrimp!”
0-4+2-1
(1). A cooking-inspired term comparing low-cost services that are included in a contract to a bundt cake.
(2). Miscellaneous line-items included in a contract to make the client feel good about paying you more than they want to.
“The technology fee and set-up fee are baked in to the contract. I have no idea what those are but we have to put something in there to justify our fee.”
0-4+1-1
(1). Overwhelming new employees by not having a game plan for training and just throwing them into meetings and projects.
“Glad to have you on the team, Megan. Well, I’m out for the next couple of weeks, so I guess it’ll be a bit of a baptism by fire for you. The manual is on that pile on my desk, I think. Good luck!”
Props to Lara for the submission.
0-4+2-1
(1). A term used to describe one’s involvement in a certain matter or project, usually as a way to suggest someone else’s involvement would be unnecessary or undesirable.
“I’m not sure Mike’s 50-slide presentation on our office’s battery-recycling program would be additive to the board meeting.”
0-4+1-1
(1). To be under intense pressure.
“Dude, Mike is really behind the eight ball this week. He’s got three client meetings, two presentations and a date with the hot chick in Accounting who thinks he’s the V.P. in charge of Marketing…which he’s not.”
0-4+20
(1). A caveat added to a promise to complete a task requested after a known or stated deadline, often used by operations to pre-emptively excuse the fact that they have absolutely no intention of completing the annoyingly last-minute request in the first place.
“Well, given that it’s 4:30 on a Friday, running a report of all your transactions since 1996 by the end of the week is going to be on a best efforts basis…”
0-4+10
(1). A self-promoting way to describe a firm’s customer service or products, meant to imply that the firm is number one in the industry (a claim for which there is likely no basis and is highly disclaimed in the fine print at the back of the promotional material).
“Team, we’re rolling out our new value proposition to reaffirm to the world our best in class status in the industry.”
0-4+10
(1). That guy who you always see in the office bathroom who (I guess) drinks coffee at roughly the same pace as you do.
“So, I saw my bio buddy again today. I’ve got to say, I really would prefer that he leave his Blackberry on his desk. It’s just gross, man.”
0-4+10
(1). A method of passing legislation by agreement of both political parties. It is usually used to describe legislation which has failed to pass at all.
“We have appointed a bipartisan sub-committee to review the findings of the bipartisan special commitee on the actions of the bipartisan standing committee appointed by Congress in a bipartisan manner to investigate allegations that the bipartisan sub-committee manipulated their findings for partisan purposes.”
0-4+20
(1). Shady Internet optimization practices usually performed by nondescript people in Russia, India, Romania, Slovenia, etc….really any country that ends in “ia” applies here.
(2). Manipulating search engine results by obtaining links from porn sites and gambling sites…or porn sites you can gamble on.
“Black hat, white hat…is all the same as long as you get page one of Google result pages. Have you been on the Ebay lately? I see missile silo for sale, crazy things! I update on the Facebook now!
0-4+1-1
(1). A golf reference used to describe piss poor performance on any particular dealing with a client.
“That was really bogey golf right there Scott. You left the flash drive with the presentation on it in your car, you wore a Spuds MacKenzie tie and to top it all off you didn’t even offer them a Fresca. Everyone loves Fresca!”
0-4+1-1
(1). An acronym for Buy One, Get One.
(2). In retail, a term used to describe a sale that lures naive customers into buying surplus, out of season products they will never use, by offering them 2 of these items for the same price.
“Hey Steve, did you see that BOGO sale going on over at Dick’s Sporting Goods? I know it’s May and the season just ended, but I think I am totally going to get into snowboarding next year! And if I buy one pair of snow pants, I get a second pair for free! How can I go wrong?
0-4+1-1
(1). A term used to describe a low-margin business unit (see keep the lights on) which will never, ever be a major profit center, resulting in mediocre pay for its staff, further resulting in mediocre staff.
“Urinal-mint manufacturing is a bread and butter business, people. We may not be flashy, but we’ll always be able to say that business doesn’t stink.”
0-4+20
(1). To have an actual office in another location, often just an unstaffed closet with a phone, allowing the company to advertise a local presence (see boots on the ground) when, in fact, there is none.
0-4+10
(1). Cool stuff somebody other than you did (see best practices).
“Some of the bright spots from this year came from our billing department, so kudos to them. That new practice of getting invoices out with the correct mailing addresses really helped our bottom line.”
Props to David P. for the submission.
0-4+20
(1). n. The workload of an employee or team.
(2). adj. A term used by an employee or team to indicate that their workload is too high.
“Look, I am so over capacity right now there is no way I’m getting to those TPS reports anytime soon.”
0-4+10
(1). Ongoing client relationship management. The term is generally used to describe the absolute smallest amount of work you think you can do to avoid the client firing you.
“Now that the client’s accounts are all in and invested, it should really just be down to basic care and feeding at this point. As I always say – Get ‘em in, get ‘em invested, then see you in January!”
0-4+10
(1). An excuse made by employees to management or other co-workers for a seemingly ridiculous or blatantly time-wasting request or project.
“Okay team, we need to run a full analysis of every transaction in the Smith account since 2002. This is a client-driven request, so let’s roll up our sleeves and bang this out as quickly as possible.”
0-4+10
(1). An employee who deals with customers regularly. While usually the highest paid employees, these guys really try to do as little actual work as possible so they can spend more time sleeping with their way-hotter interns.
“Well, I don’t care what you heard. I didn’t want to be client-facing anymore. Not enough challenge. I felt my skills would be better suited to the letter management department. Luckily, my bosses agreed.”
0-4+10
(1). A department which doesn’t produce any revenue … you know, like the one 90% of you work in.
“So, we all know it’s been a tough year. The good news is that layoffs are going to be focused in the cost centers … as always! Now, give each other a high five and let’s go sell some bonds!”
0-4+10
(1). A term describing a type of handshake that can best be compared to holding a dead trout and shaking it about awkwardly.
“Did that guy just slip you the dead fish? It was like try to grab a live salmon. I tried to reel it in, but he just wasn’t having it.”
0-400
(1). A way to describe a project that is 100% complete and ready for launch.
“Well, I won’t be happy until this thing is done and dusted and we can schedule our go live date.”
0-4+10
(1). Completed to the point that it no longer requires discussion, or in other words, 100% completed.
“Thanks for your feedback here, Mike, but this presentation is done done at this point, so next time you might want to respond to my request for comments a little quicker than three months later.”
Props to Josh B. for the submission.
0-4+10
(1). Fishing term used to describe unknown issues that may arise as a result of a system change, often occuring in other, related systems. The term is often used by IT as a catch-all excuse for avoiding making any improvement to the current system.
0-400
(1). Mysterious secrets known only to business consultants which are intended to make a company operate in a more proficient and cost-effective manner (see achieve scale). Usually referenced by project managers to indicate to their superiors that they are adding value, when in reality, they are simply maintaining an endless “to do” list.
“Look, Tim, my job here is to find efficiencies that will make us a better business. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to get back to re-writing our coffee break policies and procedures.”
0-4+10
(1). Any corporate executive, financial advisor, lawyer or accountant who adds no substance to any situation and are usually present for the purpose of (1) running up fees, or (2) making the client feel important.
“Okay guys, Dave and I will be running the meeting. Steve, you and Sean are just some empty suits in the room to make the team look bigger. Sell it!”
0-400
(1). A term that compares the final stages of a project, to the fight to the death between Jacob Kell and Duncan MacLeod in Highlander.
“Well I don’t get it Vito, what’s their endgame here? Do they want to be the best dog grooming truck on the market or don’t they? There can be only one!”
0-4+10
(1). A ridiculous term that compares resources being spread too thin, to a human trying to plug a dam that is structurally unsound with their extremities.
“Sorry guys, we just don’t have the bandwidth to pull this damn (pun!) project off. Every finger and toe is in the dike at the moment.”
props to Sean C. & Jeff L. for the submission.
0-4+10
(1). A polite way to acknowledge a suggestion or idea that you actually think is completely irrelevant or incorrect.
“That’s a fair point, John, and thanks for raising it. Although, I’m not sure getting back into the subprime mortgage game is the way to go right now.”
0-4+10
(1). A way to signal to everyone in the meeting that this is the only agenda item you want to talk about and that all of the other stuff is meaningless to you.
“Okay, team, well, first and foremost, I want to address 2012 compensation. I understand many of you may have booked vacations for after the New Year…well, you might want to rethink those plans for now…”
Props to Jerry G. for the submission.
0-4+10
(1). What your office looks like the day after Thanksgiving.
“Man, this place is a ghost town today! Wow, even Dave’s not here!”
0-4+1-1
(1). This term, unlike its ladylike counterpart glass half full, is used to describe an individual who sees every minute mistake and misstep as nothing short of the apocalypse. These individuals usually ascend the corporate ladder at a meteoric pace and usually wind up running large conglomerates.
“Well guess what everyone? I’m a glass half empty guy. So no, I don’t think Scott sneezing on the managing partner was a sign that we are “comfortable with them.”
0-400
(1). A term used to describe an overly optimistic person whose double rainbow point of view usually becomes bothersome to upper management, as well as the rest of the office, and is terminated.
(2). See glass half empty.
“I dunno guys, I think that presentation went pretty well! Call me a glass half full kinda guy, but I thought it was actually a good thing when Scott sneezed on the managing partner…showed we were comfortable with them.”
0-400
(1). A half-cocked idea that you came up with, blurted out at the last company sponsored happy hour and your boss accidentally overheard….and loved. It is now your primary function.
“Yes Stan! I love that idea, its definitely got legs! I can’t believe we never thought about selling cigarettes and lighters at the pump!
0-4+10
(1). To explore a topic in more detail, usually during internal training sessions or strategy presentations, mainly to allow the speaker to show off his knowledge on a mundane topic that likely is of interest only to him, and possibly, his boss.
0-400
(1). A delicate term used to describe wealthy (and, thus, sensitive and emotional) clients who treat everyone they come in contact with as “the help”.
“This is a high touch business, people. Our clients just won’t tolerate things like weekends off, nights with the family or religious holidays. We’re always on!”
0-4+10
(1). Yikes - it means somebody is constipated. And what’s wrong with “affect” for “impact”?
“You know, Tim, I’m just not sure the project you’ve been working on all year has been impactful to the company in the way you thought it would be. You probably should’ve focused on your actual work instead…”
Props to Priscilla W. for the submission.
0-4+10
(1). A synonym for all over it, or more likely, another way to say “Oh crap, I totally forgot about that!”.
“Oh, hey Sue. My proposal…? It’s in flight!”
Props to Denise for the submission.
0-4+10
(1). A way to identify a document or email that should not be sent outside of the firm, unless of course you are a disgruntled employee seeking a spectacular exit from your current job.
“Dude, I’m pretty sure that spreadsheet you just sent to the Wall Street Journal was internal-use only.”
0-40-1
(1). Stock broker.
“Okay, guys … we really want to start targeting high-net worth individuals this year. So, we’re going to start calling you ‘investment professionals‘ to show you do more than push product. That said, keep pushing product.”
0-4+20
(1). A word that compares an individual who excels in their particular field to Luke Skywalker, Yoda, and that other guy Samuel L. Jackson played in the awful Star Wars prequels.
“Pat here is our resident SEO jedi and by far the best option to achieve your websites organic goals. So these other guys aren’t the agency you’re looking for, move along.”
0-4+10
(1). A nice way to tell someone their proposal (which they thought was great) needs serious revisions.
“Thanks for that, John. I think it’s a great jumping off point for us to nail down how to handle this project. Eric, why don’t you run point on this going forward…”
0-4+20
(1). The act of quitting a job in favor of the same job at a different company, resulting in zero career advancement and, likely, little to no increase in salary. Lateral Moves are only acceptable when (1) you are about to be fired, (2) you just got divorced and need to relocate, or (3) you work in Wilmington, Delaware and your new job is in a real city.
“Yeah, so I’m happy…I know it’s kind of a lateral move for me, but I think Pets.com is going to be around forever!”
0-4+20
(1). To get most or all of it.
“We are positioning the company to take the lion’s share of the market.
Props to N. Craig for the submission.
0-4+20
(1). It’s decided on and ready to go.
“Our new sales plans are locked and loaded, so let’s get out there and sell!”
Props to Lisa M. for the submission.
0-4+10
(1). Media neutral. It’s supposed to mean that there is no preference for a given media channel in advertising, but it really just means the agency doesn’t know what it’s doing and doesn’t want to commit to anything lest it appear stupid.
“We’ve been relatively media agnostic for our campaigns these days…why, what are you guys doing…you know…specifically….”
Props to Deb for the submission.
0-4+3-2
(1). A way to describe the important people of a company by likening them to the gargantuan granite sculpture of Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt & Lincoln in South Dakota.
“So Dan, if you had to make a Mount Rushmore for the company, who would be on it? More importantly, where would I be on it?”
0-4+10
(1). The end result after everything is taken into consideration…supposedly.
“So the net net of this sandwich is that I will not be making the meeting this afternoon.”
Props to Sam for the submission.
0-4+10
(1). A very expensive and highly marketed service offering or product that would likely be the first thing to be cut in a downturn.
“Time Warner Cable is a real nice-to-have.”
0-4+10
(1). To be able to adapt quickly to different situations … even when you have no idea what you’re doing.
“Okay, team … now if we’re going to hold ourselves out there as a nimble wealth manager, we’re going to have to cut a few corners for our clients. So, I’d like to get your thoughts on SEC reporting avoidence strategies ….”
0-4+20
(1). An obviously beneficial action to be taken, often used during staff meetings by sycophantic employees (see yes man) to curry favor with a manager who just suggested the action as if it were a stroke of genius.
“Selling those children was a no brainer. What’s next on the agenda?”
0-400
(1). A proposal or suggestion for something that your boss is never, ever going to agree to.
“Sorry, Ted. Adding another body in Operations is a non-starter. If this system enhancement is going to move forward, you guys are going to need to allocate your resources a little better.”
0-4+10
(1). A common expression used when confirming that two or more people are clear on what they are supposed to be doing, usually used when one person appears to be completely unclear on what he is supposed to be doing.
0-4+10
(1). A transparent lie you tell your boss when asked about a project you don’t even remember being assigned. See all over it.
“The system conversion? I’m on top of it, boss. Just so the rest of the team is in the loop, would you mind going over what we’re supposed to be doing again?”
0-4+10
(1). Able to integrate into the company’s elite circles, generally leading to higher pay and numerous (often perplexing) promotions.
“You know, Dan may be prominent in the industry, but he just isn’t organizationally successful, so I think it’s time for the gold watch!”
0-4+10
(1). Paying for some work-related expense yourself with an expectation that your company will pay you back…in six to eight weeks…maybe.
“Okay, Alicia…here are my receipts for my Atlanta trip. I had to go out of pocket on the cabs to and from the airport. What do you mean that looks like my handwriting…? Just process the lousy reimbursements, please…”
0-4+10
(1). A word consultants and IT guys use to identify systems or processes that decrease worker productivity, in an attempt to develop better methods (also known as efficiencies).
“So, tell me Andy, would you consider the company’s onboarding process one of your pain points? You mentioned in your questionnaire that it takes two weeks and involves seven different levels of approval….hmm…let’s just mark that down as a ‘yes’.”
0-4+30
(1). An expression often used to snooker a potential hire into accepting a lower salary in exchange for “advancement” or future riches.
0-400
(1). A really, really complicated way to say slamming the barn door after the horse is gone.
“Alright, now that we’ve converted to the new accounting system, we need to go through our post-implementation review process to make sure it’s going to work. Somehow, I feel we should have asked more questions up front…oh well, too late now!”
Props to A3 for the submission.
0-4+10
(1). A word intended to describe a politician’s ability to reach across the aisle and get legislation passed by consensus of both parties. We actually have a better chance of seeing the folks at CERN figure out how to go back in time so we can vote all of these morons out of office than finding a post-partisan politician.
“I am my own man. A post-partisan. Not beholden to any political party or special interest group. Well…other than the guys who are funding my campaign ads and stuffing all those ballot boxes for me. I’m a little beholden to those guys.”
0-4+10
(1). An international tax term used, for some reason, by some European tax authorities in place of “mandatory”, probably as the result of some consultant’s report, the production of which undoubtedly was a waste of taxpayer money.
0-400
(1). A term used to describe a particularly lavish tie that apparently can tap into the power of Greyskull.
“Hey Mike! What do you think of my new power tie? By the power of Greyskull….I have the powerrrrrrrrr!! Am I right?! Or am I right?!
“I think I need a new job Dave. I think I need a new job.”
0-400
(1). A term used by EMS and Fire Personnel to describe a patient that waits until 3AM to call for an ambulence for their stubbed toe or sore shoulder.
“Guys, it looks like we have a Priority 3 here. This guy is complaining of severe pain in the hallux region of his foot and he may have a sprain or strain to the small interphalangeal joints. This is gonna be a long night…oh, hey look, a waffle house!”
Props to John H. for the submission.
0-4+30
(1). Something no one ever has time to be.
“You know, team, we’ve really got to be more proactive with our clients. Anticipate their needs. Call them before they call us. Oh, who am I kidding…get back to filling out that spreadsheet I sent you!”
0-4+10
(1). A way to attack an issue from multiple fronts, usually suggested by people who can’t decide what to do and try to just throw everything at the problem in hopes that one of their ideas will work.
“Okay, team…we are going to use a three-pronged approach to resolve our recent data security problem. Step 1: Everyone now needs a password to log in to the system. Step 2: Jeff in IT should not have a password. Step 3: Fire Jeff in IT.”
Props to Carlos B. for the submission.
0-4+10
(1). A software application, program or service offering that is unique to a company (and usually subject to patents or copyrights), often strikingly similar to a dozen other software applications, programs or service offerings by the company’s competitors (and probably designed using pirated software provided by disgruntled ex-employees).
“Alright everyone, we have finally rolled out our proprietary dashboard. It took two years, countless hours and thousands of dollars, but I think we are finally going to be able to pull in Google Analytics! What? Yes, that’s pretty much all it does. No, I don’t think it makes more sense to just log in to Google Analytics. This thing has our logo on it!”
0-400
(1). A rough calculation or estimate.
“Hey, Joel…I’ve got a meeting in twenty. Can you get me the average annual fees on the Johnson account since inception. Just give me the quick and dirty.”
Props to Mark R. for the submission.
(2). An excuse to do sloppy work on grounds that the work product will only be used once or temporarily, when in fact it will immediately become a fundamental piece of the organization’s infrastructure.
“Yeah, I could’ve stayed all night working on this thing, but since they’re only going to use it for talking points, I just did the quick and dirty.”
Props to Mike S. for the submission.
0-4+20
(1). A term used to describe someone who develops business for themselves or their company. They are a key person who keeps new business coming in the door.
“Ross is a rainmaker! The guy is like Dustin Hoffman in the boardroom!”
Props to Mark R. for the submission.
0-4+10
(1). The act of blindly approving things at work, some of which may actually be important and should really be looked over before you sign it.
“Well, if this is just going to be some kind of rubber stamp exercise, why can’t we just buy an actual rubber stamp? My wrist is killing me!”
0-4+10
(1). A guy who cracks under pressure, usually resulting in missed deadlines, poor performance reviews and/or embarrassing nervous breakdowns in the office pantry.
“Boy, what a couple of rusty buckets! The minute the clients started questioning our fees, Mike and Jim folded like cheap suits!”
0-4+20
(1). Special skills, products or abilities that you try to make prospects believe your company has that no one else has, when in reality, everyone just sells the same crap.
“I mean, c’mon, it’s not like we have some secret sauce that makes us better than anybody else! We sell toilet seats, for gods’ sakes!”
0-4+10
(1). A term used to describe staffing on (a) the day after Thanksgiving, (b) a Friday in August, or (c) any day on which your boss is traveling.
“Well, we’re running with a bit of a skeleton crew today, so I’m thinking you should probably call back on Monday. Have a great weekend!”
0-4+20
(1). A term used to describe something that takes a really, really, REALLY long time to show any sort of return. Like running a website about corporate jargon.
“Well Alan, SEO is a real slow burn. I realize that you believe everyone is looking for homemade marmalade on Google, but I don’t know if this is the right channel for you to focus on.”
0-4+10
(1). A term used when telling someone (usually a lawyer) that they are providing useless or impractical advice.
0-400
(1). What your boss with the B.A. in Sociology tells people when asked where he went to B-School.
“Well, I consider myself a student of the industry. Why, I remember when we were still making cold calls on a rotary phone! So, you said your dad’s a CFO of something or other? Would love to meet him sometime!”
0-4+10
(1). A positive-sounding way to describe a poor condition or situation, in an attempt to maintain the illusion that all conditions or situations are actually good ones.
0-400
(1). A cooking inspired term that is used to describe when too many people have been brought in on a project and it muddies the water. This usually results in whining, arguments and overcooked souffles.
“There are definitely too many cooks in the kitchen on their end. We were on the phone with them for over an hour and all we got out of it was the name they may or may not use, Joan’s dogs name and what sounded like half a lunch order.”
0-400
(1). Something everyone wants to be, but only the guy with the lowest fee ever is.
“Okay, Monica. I want you to try to get in front of this prospect next week to make sure we’re staying top of mind here. Sleep with him, if you have to! … I’m going to be fired, aren’t I?”
0-4+10
(1). The way some people get when someone challenges or disagrees with them, often ending in a public (and relatively salty) series of post-meeting rants.
“Whoa…Mike really got up on his hind legs this morning after David pushed back on his proposal. I mean, did you ever hear someone drop the f-bomb so many times during one conference call?”
0-4+10
(1). A sense of camaraderie and service. The term is usually used when indicating to someone that they (or their team) are being obstructive or unhelpful.
“You know, Mike, I’m not really getting a warm and fuzzy feeling from you guys on this. All we’re asking is that you take on this extremely time-consuming project at half your normal fee. This is for a really huge client of ours, you know!”
0-4+10
(1). Stock broker … who also might sell insurance.
“Okay, guys … we really want to start targeting high-net worth individuals this year. So, we’re going to start calling you ‘wealth advisors‘ to show you do more than push product. That said, keep pushing product.”
0-4+10
(1). A hugely rich prospect which, if they become a client, will probably allow the broker to go out and buy that Maserati he’s had his eye on.
“So, I heard Scott over there landed a whale last week. I also heard you didn’t, so…I think we’re going to have to let you go, Gary.”
0-4+10
(1). What you say when trying to explain the value you add to the company’s business (which, for most of us, is pretty hard to define).
“‘What we do best’? I’ll tell you what we do best … blah, blah, blah … Just do your job and shut the hell up!”
Props to Brent D. for the submission.
0-4+10
(1). A nice way to describe the work of a low-level employee in a vain attempt to make it sound like you think what they do is way more important than what you do.
“Yeah, trading millions of dollars worth of corporate bonds every day is important to our corporate bond-trading business, but your team’s processing of account paperwork is really where the rubber meets the road!”
0-400
(1). A term describing best practices for SEO professionals that correctly (and honestly) manipulate search engines so that their client’s sites show up above Wikipedia entries.
“Our firm uses white hat practices for our SEO efforts. No, you won’t get links from any porn sites or gambling sites. No, no porn sites you can gamble on either.” (see: Black Hat)
0-400
(1). A top-tier law firm, generally populated with pretentious Ivy Leaguers who are, for all intents and purposes, in love (and possibly trying to have sex) with their business cards. Attorneys in white shoe firms never miss an opportunity to tell you (i) where they work, and (ii) where they went to law school.
“His resume says he works at a big, white shoe firm, so I’m not sure we can get him to leave given what we are willing to offer. Wait … he’s a 14th year associate? Offer him $40,000 and some kind of ‘junior partner’ title and he’s gone.”
0-4+10
(1). A person designated in a meeting to encourage honesty and candor (even though most questions are planted by management to make it look like everyone is happy and supportive).
“Okay, Mike…you’re going to be the Yoda in the staff meeting today. We want you to make sure people are speaking their minds. Here are some questions you might want to encourage people to ask.”
0-4+20
(1). An unemployed individual who dedicates most, if not all, of their free time to making YouTube videos of their cat doing adorable things instead of seeking gainful employment.
“Sir, the problem here is that while you may be a YouTube sensation, you cannot pay your phone bill with adorable cat videos. No, you can’t pay it with hypothetical dollars either.”
0-40-1
(1). To place a client’s logo on an outsourced or third-party product (usually used in web applications). (see white label)
0-1
(1). A euphemism for outsourcing certain functions to another firm or service provider, intended to imply that the use of the other provider is to the customer’s benefit, as opposed to simply a cost-saving measure, which it invariably is.
0-1