Wiff Waff

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(1).  Seemingly endless banter back-and-forth between two people at a meeting.  With 10 other people in the room.  Sitting quietly, checking their blackberries, awkwardly waiting for it to be over.

 

“Can you believe that ridiculous wiff waff between Sharon and Jim during the 9:30 call this morning?  I think they’re sleeping together.  Do you think they’re sleeping together?  I totally think they’re sleeping together.”

 

Props to Jan for the submission.

 

Windshield Time

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(1).  Those hours spent traveling for work through states with “no cell phone” laws.

 

“Sorry, Dan…I’m going to be logging a ton of windshield time tomorrow.  Why don’t we schedule your comp discussion next week or the week after.  Thanks!”

 

Wining And Dining

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(1). A term typically used by salesmen to describe wooing a client in order to gain their favor, much like Richard Gere did to Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”.

 

“Hey Ross, I see you’re doing a little wining and dining with the Henderson boys tonight. Gonna get a little escargot at The Voltaire?”

 

Work Hard, Play Hard

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(1).  A statement usually made by the person in your office that historically has done neither.

 

“Hey guys, I didn’t get a chance to finish up those reports you needed, anyways, anyone wanna hit TGI Fridays with me?  Work Hard, Play Hard, am I right?”

 

(2).  Something lonely Jackie from Accounting says in her Facebook status update on Saturday nights before she heads out to The Olive Garden with “the girls”.

 

Update – Saturday February 22nd 2014, 5:37 PM: “Never ending pasta and bread sticks?  Count me hungry!  Heading out with the girls after a long week of work.  Work Hard, Play Hard!!”

 

(3).  A statement used by stock brokers (emphasis on the “bro”) when they want to blow off some steam after a week of “totally crushing it”.

 

“We totally crushed it this week bro, let’s head over to Off The Wagon and hit on some NYU freshmen!  Work Hard, Play Harder bro!!”

 

Work Husband

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(1).  The guy at work that you are currently are, or want to be, engaged in an extramarital affair with.

 

(2).  The male counterpart to a work wife.  He’s the guy in the office that you are a little too comfortable with, tell a little too much too, and the guy’s ass that you “accidentally” grab after that second cosmo.  Chill out Karen, everyone knows, and all the ladies (and possibly some guys) are jealous.

 

“Can you believe Ted and Karen?  He’s totally her work husband.  It’s not cute and they are totally sleeping together, and even if they’re not, they want to.  Why doesn’t Ted notice me?  I don’t get it.  My Facebook posts are clearly geared towards him.  Karen doesn’t post anything on her Facebook account just for him like I do.  Slut.”

 

Work Spouses

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(1).  Two co-workers who are currently engaged (or appear to be engaged) in an extramarital affair.

 

“You and Sean are totally work spouses.  Hey, weren’t you wearing that blouse yesterday?”

 

Work Wife

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(1).  The woman in the office that you currently are, or want to be, engaged in an extramarital affair with.

 

(2).  The female counterpart to a work husband.  She’s that hot new intern you just met a few months ago, or the long time colleague that you spend way too many late nights with at the office.  You tell her why your wife or girlfriend is making you unhappy, and she is that comforting force that makes everything ok.  Until you guys get caught and it’s totally not ok because you pretty much will lose everything you really care about….I mean, it’s probably worth it if its the hot new intern, but….nope totally worth it.

 

“Hey Ted, you and Karen got a little something going on over there huh?  She’s like your work wife.  By the way, I am not sure if you noticed, but Betty has been posting these weird things on Facebook that are totally geared towards you.”

 

Yeoman’s Job

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(1).  A nice way of saying someone did all the crappy work needed to get a project done.

 

“Tom the Intern did a yeoman’s job getting all of our files organized this summer, so let’s all give a big hand for Tom!”

 

Yes Man

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(1).  A staff member who blindly agrees with his or her bosses in an attempt to curry favor.

 

(2).  A terrible movie starring Jim Carrey.

 

“Bryan’s such a yes man.  He agreed with Andrew that Navy Seals was a great movie.  Hey, remember Navy Seals?”

 

Yoda

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(1).  A person designated in a meeting to encourage honesty and candor (even though most questions are planted by management to make it look like everyone is happy and supportive).

 

“Okay, Mike…you’re going to be the Yoda in the staff meeting today.  We want you to make sure people are speaking their minds.  Here are some questions you might want to encourage people to ask.”

 

Your Baby is Ugly

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(1).  The tough love statement you need to tell your client when they refuse to believe that nobody likes their brand, company, or product.

 

“Listen Mike, it doesn’t matter how many times you say “everyone loves our manure scented candles” and “they smell like nature”, it just isn’t true.  Your baby is uglyManandles stink, literally.”

 

Zipper Issue

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(1).  A somewhat polite (and yet overly descriptive) way to describe the reason your boss was just fired…and the reason his secretary was recently promoted to vice president.

 

“People, I wanted to let you know that Mike decided to resign as CFO yesterday…seems he had a bit of a zipper issue earlier this year that we feel may cause some reputational risk to the firm.  We’ve named Herman as his temporary replacement.  You all know Herman…he’s the guy with the hairy mole on his nose and the moobs…no risks there!”