Headcount

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(1).  That anxiety-inducing term every department faces at comp time.  Will it go up?  Will it go down?  Did we hit our numbers?  Where am I on the performance chart this year?  Yikes!

 

“So, team, unfortunately, it looks like we’re going to have to reduce headcount this year by at least two.  The good news is, no one likes Larry and Monica, so they’re out.  The bad news is … Larry, Monica, can you please see my in my office after this meeting?  Thanks a bunch.”

 

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Kick The Tires

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(1). A term used in initial talks with clients to show them the benefits of working with your company.

 

(2). The process of trying to belittle and confuse a prospective employee during an interview to make sure they know what they’re talking about and are a good fit for the company.

 

“Make sure you kick the tires a little bit this time Lynne, tell him we are looking for top talent to make our sandwich shop successful….if he mentions he used to work in a deli, show him the door.”

 

Props to Mark R. for the submission.

 

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Leverage

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(1).  To call upon the resources of other areas of the company in order to arrive at a solution for a client request.

 

(2).  To employ the assistance of other areas of the firm, usually used by H.R. or management to suggest that the firm operates as one, cohesive unit, when in actuality it operates as several, disjointed and often combative factions.

 

“Look Susan, I just don’t think your leveraging your resources here enough.  There is absolutely no reason that you can’t ask the person sitting next to you where the bathroom is.”

 

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Petty Cash

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(1). Loose money usually kept in the desk drawer of the head of human resources that is used for miscellaneous office expenses or to buy groceries for your siblings in the off chance the babysitter dies.

 

(2). Cash money.

 

“We have to economize Sue Ellen!  There’s nothing left in petty cash, I’ve taken it all!”

 

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