Teambuilding

& filed under .

 

(1).  To organize annoying social events for your employees thinking they just need to spend even more time together to start getting along.

 

“Okay, guys…I think with the disappointing comp numbers and recent defections, we could use a little teambuilding around here.  So…we’re going bowling!”

 

Teaming

& filed under .

 

(1).  A term lazy employees in open-space seating use to justify the hours they spend turned around in their chairs, talking to the people sitting around them about everything except work.

 

“Hey, boss.  Oh, Mike and I were just teaming about the Huntzberger account.  No…I don’t think the part about the movie I watched last night on Skinemax was relevant to the discussion…”

 

Tee It Up

& filed under .

 

(1).  To bring it up, start the conversation around it.

 

“When we get to budgets, I’ll let you tee up that conversation.”

 

Props to Lisa M. for the submission.

 

Telecommute

& filed under .

 

(1). A term coined in the 90’s used to describe working from home or other remote location.

 

(2). Sitting on your couch and checking email from your phone every 15 minutes while playing Skyrim.

 

“Hey you guys catch that episode of Twin Peaks on Monday?  I taped it and watched it on my new VCR while I was telecommuting yesterday.  That show is crazy, it’s never going off the air!” 

 

Termed

& filed under .

 

(1).  A cheesy way of saying “fired”.

 

“I reached out to Bob this morning to let him know he was termed.  He didn’t take it well…hear all those sirens?”

 

Props to John D. for the submission!

 

Think Outside The Box

& filed under .

 

(1).  Allegedly to come up with ideas or solutions that are novel and unique (also prohibitively expensive and often slightly illegal).

 

“Okay, guys, if we’re going to make this spot exciting, we’re going to have to think outside the box a bit … now, when you think hypoallergenic adult undergarments, what’s the first thing that pops into your head?  Tom, go!”

 

Throw Under The Bus

& filed under .

 

(1).  To blame something completely on a colleague that you probably had as much to do with as he did.

 

“Paul totally threw me under the bus on that call this morning!  He was the one who forgot to order more K-Cups, not me!  And what the hell are we having a call about K-Cups for anyway!”

 

Tick and Tie

& filed under .

 

(1).  To double-check your half-assed work before anyone sees it.

 

“Hey, Jim.  I’m going to need to you stay late tonight.  I just want to tick and tie everything in our presentation before sending it out.”

 

Touch Base

& filed under .

 

(1).  See ping.

 

Also, a musing:  “This one makes no sense.  In baseball, two runners can’t occupy the same base.  And the infielder is on the other team.  So who are we touching base with?”

 

Props to Mike R. for the submission.

 

Touch Wood

& filed under .

 

(1).  A seriously creepy way to say “knock on wood”.  Just say “knock on wood”, Ariel Castro.

 

Touch wood, but I think we really have a shot at getting approval for that new water cooler we asked for.”

 

Transition

& filed under .

 

(1). n – The process of replacing a service provider, usually used by the replacement as a polite euphemism for the sacking of the former when attempting to get information from them.

 

(2). v – To move an account from one service provider to another, usually used by the new provider during correspondence or conversations with the former in order to avoid reminding them that they have been fired.

 

Turbo Charge

& filed under .

 

(1).  Term used to sell a super-expensive yet totally useless idea to a client.

 

“We’re gonna turbo charge your pet food campaign by live-casting happy marmots dancing on the moon on your custom YouTube channel!  You know…the Internet loves funny animals nowadays….”

 

Props to Laurent P. for the submission.

 

Unpack This For Me

& filed under .

 

(1).  A ridiculously dorky way of asking someone to explain something to you.

 

“Paul, can you unpack this report for me?  It makes no sense.”

 

Props to Keri K. for the submission.

 

Up-Charge

& filed under .

 

(1).  To bill separately for additional services that some competitors may provide free of charge.  These fees are generally intended to cover the costs of unnecessary business units (see nice-to-have) whose services can easily be removed from the firm’s offering in a down year and are often waived anyway.

 

“Everybody, we’re going to start up-charging our clients a technology fee.  If anyone asks, just tell them we needed to invest in new technology to make sure their campaign ran at an optimal level.  Gold mine.”

 

Walk Through

& filed under .

 

(1).  To explain a proposal in its entirety.

 

(2).  A command by a manager or senior team member (i.e. “walk me through”) for a junior employee to explain a proposal in as short and simple a manner as possible, while still implying that they are interested in the proposal’s details (when in fact they are already thinking about what they are going to have for lunch).

 

“Okay, Bill.  Why don’t you walk me through your plan for a new office filing system.  I’m just going to type some notes here and there…maybe check my fantasy teams…what’s that?  Oh, nothing, just talking to myself.”

 

Water the Vegetables

& filed under .

 

(1).  To check in on, and possibly feed, the coma patients in the hospital.

 

“Okay, Alice…since it’s you’re first week on the job, you get to water the vegetables tonight.  Just try not to Garp any of them.”

 

Props to Cid R. for the submission.

 

We Are Going To Turn This Ship Around

& filed under .

 

(1).  This is said after years of poor decisions.  This phrase is uttered shortly before the business closes down.

 

“Alright, everyone…I know it’s been a tough couple of months, but starting right now, we are going to turn this ship around and get back on top!” – Dick Fuld, September 10, 2008

 

Props to Brett for the submission.

 

Wining And Dining

& filed under .

 

(1). A term typically used by salesmen to describe wooing a client in order to gain their favor, much like Richard Gere did to Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”.

 

“Hey Ross, I see you’re doing a little wining and dining with the Henderson boys tonight. Gonna get a little escargot at The Voltaire?”

 

Wordsmithing

& filed under .

 

(1). An excuse used by lawyers who have yet to review a document, intended to buy them additional time to work on more profitable clients before actually completing their review.