& filed under .


(1).  Yikes – it means somebody is constipated.  And what’s wrong with “affect” for “impact”?


“You know, Tim, I’m just not sure the project you’ve been working on all year has been impactful to the company in the way you thought it would be.  You probably should’ve focused on your actual work instead…”


Props to Priscilla W. for the submission.


In The Kill Zone

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(1).  An unnecessarily aggressive way to tell your client your market projections were on target.


“So, if you flip to page two, you’ll see that our numbers were in the kill zone for 2014.  BOO YEAH!”


In The Weeds

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(1). Too detailed.


(2). To explain a topic with too much detail to listeners who do not care about whatever it is you do.


“Whoa, whoa…we’re getting a little far in the weeds here.  Can we get back to ordering lunch?”



& filed under .


(1).  To replace a system your company currently licenses with one your tech guys build themselves.  Get ready for a buggy UI!


“So, we’re looking to in-house our general ledger system.  Dipal said it would take six months and cost about half a million bucks.  So, I’m prepping for about an 18-month turnaround with a budget of about two million bucks.”


Ingest Assets

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(1).  To upload electronic files.


“We’re reaching out to our offshore partners, asking them to ingest our assets after lunch.”


Props to D. M. for the submission.


Inside Baseball

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(1).  Usually unseen, behind the scenes or behind the curtain dealings (in other words, the way real business gets done).


“I don’t know, Tom…I think Jim’s playing inside baseball on the Simmons deal…he knows something.  Let’s get Niedermeyer on this…he’s a sneaky little….”


Props to Bob D. for the submission.


Instead of Shooting Fish in a Barrel, We Should Go Out and Buy a Fishing Pole

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(1).  A suggestion to stop focusing on many small action items (see low-hanging fruit) and target one, major problem to resolve.  The person who used this thought he was super clever.


“Look, guys, instead of shooting fish in a barrel, we should go out and buy a fishing pole and fix the underlying system issue that’s causing all of these other problems.  I’m awesome, by the way.”


Institutional Arrogance

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(1).  When management thinks they are smarter than everyone else, including their regulators.


(2).  When management thinks they can simply manage their way out of anything.


“Well, Ken…I think there’s a little institutional arrogance coming out of the executive office on this Reg. W thing.  If it were me, I probably wouldn’t have opened the meeting by calling the Fed examiners a bunch of pencil-pushing bureaucrats.  But, that’s just me.”


Props to Tim P. for the submission.


Internal-Use Only

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(1).  A way to identify a document or email that should not be sent outside of the firm, unless of course you are a disgruntled employee seeking a spectacular exit from your current job.


“Dude, I’m pretty sure that spreadsheet you just sent to the Wall Street Journal was internal-use only.”


Irons In The Fire

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(1). An expression used by unemployed workers when speaking with former colleagues or in-laws to indicate that you are entertaining multiple job opportunities, when in reality, you have just been submitting your resume to postings on monster.


Ivory Tower

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(1). A magical place where lawyers dwell in which all situations have logical explanations and the real world is not permitted to distract from their pure, academic, legal analysis.


The Internet Of Things

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(1).  A term coined by Kevin Ashton in 2009 that speaks to the concept of machines talking to machines and learning our habits so that less waste and loss is created.  While this is a great idea in theory, it’s basically saying that one day refrigerators, toasters, televisions, etc. will eventually revolt against the human race and take over the world.  I don’t know about you, but I have no problem opening my refrigerator, seeing I am out of eggs, and then going to the store to restock said eggs.


(2).  Skynet.


“Hey Steve, you hear about this Internet of Things stuff?  Google’s acquisition of Nest is going to change the way we talk to our devices!  Everything is going to be connected and I’ll never run out of toilet paper again!  What?  So the device has to be connected to the internet?  Hmm…there has to be a company somewhere in Japan that has an internet-enabled toilet.  Ok, we’re going off the rails a bit here, but once I find or invent that toilet, life is gonna be great!”